Menopause- to be feared or nurtured?
I remember my darling late Mum, in a hushed voice, mimicking Les Dawson, mimicking a woman adjusting her breasts in an upwardly direction, lips puckered up in a spectacular gurn, referring to, "The Change."
It was said with sympathy.
It was said with a resigned acceptance.
It was part of the "Lie back and think of England," ethos
It was implied that this is something to be endured
It was implied that this was related to loss.
Mum's generation also charmingly called our periods, "the Curse"
It's true.
It's just how they were brought up.
God, I loved her!
We live in a pretty strange world where about half the population have been educated to be embarrassed about their most natural bodily functions.
I'm sure if men had periods, they would find some way of gamification akin to 'who can pee highest up a wall,' and award themselves prizes!
The word menopause strikes fear into the hearts of many men.
And I must, slightly to my shame, admit, I have used it to my advantage to wield power over some troublesome builders, and bring them into line during a particularly tricky dead end meeting! It actually went like this…
"Ok. I don't give a fuck which one of you sorts this out. This has gone on for weeks. I've had enough! I am hormonal, probably menopausal (dropped the peri- to avoid over complication- come on you can only go so far!) and you lot have 5 minutes to sort this out! I'm going to put the kettle on. See you in the kitchen in 5 mins."
5 minutes later, cheerfully chatting over tea, the solution had been found. Their eyes were still slightly widened in fear.
Still makes me smile today.
A lot!
Tip. For maximum effect, only use this in extreme cases and don't align yourself with the cry wolf brigade!
Back to my point...
Us girls, know at some point (please God) that we will go through the menopause.
It is the most natural thing in the world.
Yet, the word menopause strikes fear into the hearts of many women too.
As teenagers our hormones surge on up there, easy tiger, to prepare us for reproduction.
Our hormones carry on "up there" to allow us to have children (or not)
Then they come on back down and allow us to live the rest of our lives, without monthly bleeds and all the additional 'treats' that can come with them.
This is a time to readjust, truly flourish, delight in our wisdom, seek joy and badassery.
What I'm finding fascinating is that countless women (especially in the Western world) have been educated to fear and dread this time of life.
That it's a kind of, "Oh well, that's it. Life's over, you old dried up prune, " kind of scenario.
And many women have not thought of it at all.
Its arrival comes as a complete surprise.
Frequently doctors aren't trained in this hormonal shift, and whizz women onto anti-depressants or straight onto HRT
There is a fabulous woman called Rachel Lankester who is doing brilliant research into navigating the menopause and Midlife. She has a podcast and book, called Magnificent Midlife. I am a huge fan of both.
Marianne get to the sodding point....
OK, so where am I going with the question,
Menopause- to be feared or nurtured?
What if, we decide that this time of our life was to be nurtured?
That we were to be nurtured.
That we were 100% worth nurturing.
That our wisdom and experience was huge and beneficial to many.
That growing older is a joy and privilege.
Because it is.
Yes, clearly it is different, AND we don't need to fear "different."
The hormonal teenage surge is different to pre-pubescent, and we don't try and embarrass teenagers through that change.
We support and encourage them into the next phase of their lives.
There are many ways you can support yourself going through peri -menopause and post-menopause (Menopause in itself is a date stamp, of 1 day when you haven't had periods for 12 months (or 24 months if you are under 50 years old)) both emotionally, physically and strategically.
Mindset wise, my area of expertise...slow down and ask yourself what do you think and believe about the "menopause."
Take some time out and journal on it.
Allow your thoughts and ideas to flow, and you're going to get a pretty good idea of how you believe you will experience it.
What's coming through... Fear or nurture?
What we believe will shape our experience of anything.
So akin to midlife, this is a time of reflection, of gracefully allowing the past to be the past and working out how you want to experience the next chapter, sequel of your precious life.
Thankfully, there's a growing number of real badass women who are making this conversation to be normal. Not hushed, gurned through and swept under the carpet of shame.
Me?
I'm still navigating this hormonal change and learning and researching and working out what suits my body and more importantly, what doesn't! ie and as always, what I want to do more or and what I want to do/ eat/ drink less of!
We are all uniquely us. What suits me may not suit you.
But please, for the love of God, don't think this phase of your life is to be feared.
It is a transition to a place where many very wise elders, say we are at our most free and creative.
It is our time to focus on us and our dreams , especially if they were put to one side for everyone else.
Maybe this is the home of the badass, that formidably impressive person.
Wouldn't that be a great message to get out to all our younger sisters.
Love.Marianne
