5 Tips to Stop Feeling Midlife Guilt
How do you talk about your past?
Full of joys and f**k yes, I did that?
Or
is it a guilt ridden tale of sorrow and regrets?
Maybe a mix of both?
Which wins out... the good or the bad?
Yes, I'm being ultra curious (AKA chuffing nosey) 🤣 and inviting you to delve into your past!
Why?
Well, your past radiates energy.
Your past is governed by your thinking about it.
You get to decide how you want it to effect you and the rest of your life.
Your future is conditioned by you and your thinking about what is possible.
Now please don't get me wrong, I've made some monumental fuckups, but when I look back on them, I can put them to rest and learn from each and every one. I am human, and if you're reading this, then I can assume that you are too! We make mistakes, they're an essential part of learning.
Shout me down and beat me with a wet flannel, but Guilt is a choice.
Elder David A. Bednar said
"Guilt is to the spirit, what pain is to the body"
Yikes, that hits me somewhere in the vitals!
5 Tips to help assuage guilt and move on.
Get specific-with the facts of the matter. Not the over melodramatic, dare I say… Overblown story that is on a continual and painful loop in your mind. Try putting the 'event' back into its box and write down the actual facts, that everyone would agree on. Look at it from every viewpoint. This helps gain perspective.
Identify the exact cause of your guilt. Get specific with your thinking. Don't let it be all vague and overwhelming. What are you feeling guilt about? Is it coming from feeling of not enough, that you should have known better, you don't deserve to be happy, or two of my nearest and dearest...perfectionism and comparison? Look out for all the shoulds, coulds, oughts, and other soul sapping descriptive, shitty words. Write it down and get it out of your head.
Forgive Yourself. This can often be the hardest thing to do. You are human. You make mistakes. When we consciously decide that we will forgive ourselves, we soften. We change our energy. Our emotions. When we do this, we can move forwards.
Make amends if need be. Clear the air. Allow your conscience to clear, too. Only you know if you have truly wronged someone else. If you think you have, then apologise, enter into dialogue...ask what you can do to heal the wound. ie act like the gorgeous person you know you are. This may make you go cold, clammy, heart racing palpitations and feel utterly terrible. But you can do this. If only we weren't so conditioned to avoid feeling uncomfortable, this part would be so much easier. You can do uncomfortable. I can do uncomfortable. It sucks. It can feel wrenchingly terrible. AND we can do it!
Learn from your mistakes. There is always a lesson. Some go as far to say there is always a blessing in every screw up. (This latter, and dare I say much more grown up version, takes way more practice!) The thing is, you get to decide whether you want to keep on with the guilt and downward spiral or, pull up your big girl's pant (or large gent's boxers!) and learn, as in really learn and next time shit happens, because it will, remember this and say,
"Woahhh little sister, remember last time this happened?..
Let's not go there again. It felt terrible. We felt like shit for weeks on end, got close to giving ourselves a stomach ulcer, drank our own bodyweight in wine and frequently visited the ready-made and frozen aisles in the supermarket. (I had no idea that you could buy such things!) and stopped eating anything green.
Let's not do that again
For the love of God, let's NOT do that again."
Guilt is a horrid emotion. It can lead to anxiety, depression, loss of sleep, crippling lack of self-confidence, general shut down and an entire smorgasbord of soul kryptonite.
Guilt, once recognised and handled/ processed as outlined above, can be a powerful indicator, that we've gone wrong somewhere. We don't see a red light on the car dashboard and cover it up with gaffer tape. We know it's a warning light. We stop and see what is wrong.
I know I sound like a stuck record, but we get to choose how we want to deal with this warning light.
Look at it as a hmmmm...
"My behaviour needs some attention here. I didn't enjoy that last time and really don't want to enter that arena again. "
Use it as a springboard to inspire you. To grow. To learn.
Coco Chanel said, "Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death."
Bloody hell!
So gorgeous one, if you are nurturing guilt for things PAST, please try and resolve them for your sake.
Next time I am going to talk about reverse engineering FUTURE guilt, so it isn't a "most painful companion of death"
Love. Marianne
P.S If you are struggling with guilt and would like some help clearing it out and moving on to your next adventure, let's talk.
There are two ways to work with me.
One is my 30-day Reset.
It's a kick-start. An intensive. Like a juice cleanse! I was going to say colonic, but maybe that's taking my irreverence too far! We specifically look at one area of your life and overhaul it. We clear out what's holding you back and make way for the next chapter of your life.
The 2nd is my 6 month "Flourish" coaching program.
Where we look at all the things you need to Flourish. We take our time. You have me in your corner to nurture, support and champion you. I don't want you to be frustrated, stuck and unfulfilled... I want you to Wake up and Live. Now that might be selfish of me, but...there, it's out there now!
I love being a catalyst for change.
If you are wanting to get in alignment with your higher purpose, joyfully kicking ass as you go and unlocking goodness and potential you didn't even know you had... then I would love to work with you.
Message me and let me know which option you'd like to know more about, and I'll send you the details.
Mx
